Week of Epic Fail

Most of you know that I am a vampire. I stay up all night and sleep in until the afternoon. This semester, I specifically arranged my classes so the earliest I would ever have to get up is 1:00. The weird thing is that I'm always sleepy when I wake up, even though I get around 9 hours of sleep a night. My friend says it's because of a lack of vitamin D from the sun - but vampires don't ever see sunlight and they are never sleepy, so it must be something else.

Anyway, so Monday night I'm all.. yes! I'm going to sleep so early tonight so I can wake up at 7 and be ready for my FIRST EXAM. I was all pumped to go to bed early. But since Boston is SO historic, my apartment is also historic - meaning no AC. So I opened my windows because I was frying to death, only to hear the undergrads outside partying and threatening to get into fights. I eventually tossed and turned and screamed at them to shut up until I fell asleep at 3:30 and woke up at 8:00. Not bad.

My Wednesday exam, business bankruptcy, is heavily code-based so I figured as long as I knew the Code Provisions we covered in class, I'd be good to go. Again, my sleeping schedule failed me, and I was pretty much drugged up on less than 5 hours a sleep for two nights in a row. Not good.

I ambled into class and got the test. It was TWENTY-NINE PAGES LONG.  TWENTY-NINE FREAKING PAGES OF HELL IN FOUR HOURS. WHO DOES THAT?!  I looked around in horror. If my professor had been there, I would have asked her, "Who ARE you?!"

I opened the test to the first page. She told us that as long as we attended class and were living and breathing, the first 10 multiple choice questions would be easy. I looked at the first question and was like "WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?! THIS IS NOT SPARTA!" I always went to class, and I assure you I was living and breathing during class. SO WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ANY OF THE ANSWERS?

It only got worse from there. Those were supposed to be the easy cheesy multiple choice questions. Once I got to Part III (out of V), I wanted to rip up my test and throw it out the window of our 14th floor classroom. Watch it float down over the Charles River, like bits of my law school career crumbling before my eyes.

I suppose once you've been teaching business bankruptcy for so long you can teach it in your sleep, your idea of "easy multiple choice" differs vastly from the average human being. I was listless after the first 40 minutes of the exam. Never before have I simply SAT there and stared at my screen blankly, or flipped idly through my outline in hopes of something popping out at me. Alas, to no avail. The only thing I realized was how much pointless crap I had included in my 90-page outline, which depressed me even further because I could have spent all that time playing the StarCraft II beta.

I'm horrible at numbers. I brought this cheap CVS calculator I used for my contracts exam last year because she told us that there would be numbers. My friend later informed me that while he was sitting behind me during the exam, he was horrified to see me whip out my high-tech calculator and crunch out those pesky whole numbers. Good thing I had my calculator, because it would have taken me half the exam to calculate $300k + $100k on my fingers. He later told me that I am not Asian.

By the way, this finals period was the most fail I've ever experienced in my entire life. Last week there was a fire alarm DURING EXAMS. Unfortunately, the building didn't burn down, so we still had exams. Then there was a water ban in all of Boston. We were forced to boil water to do the most mundane things, like drink water or brush our teeth. However, I'm a rebel and I refused to boil my water - so I brushed my teeth with yummy swamp water. It was so stressful because even when I was showering, I was worried that I'd get some weird parasites that would eat my skin off during my exam. My friend and I decided that we would journey to Mexico in the event I had parasites in my stomach. I even looked up how to say "I have parasites in my stomach!" in Spanish: Hay parásitos en mi estómago!

So aside from being a walking zombie who does not sleep, being dehydrated, fearing parasites in my stomach, and suffering from excessive heat and noise, exams went well. I am now officially a 3L. Only one more year of doom left!